No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
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I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
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And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
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