I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize