Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
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