Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
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