I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Two words: nipple clamps
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