so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
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They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
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This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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