How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
there is glitter all over my balls
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize