Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
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