roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
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