I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize