You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
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I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
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I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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