He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
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when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
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My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
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