So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
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Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
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Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
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