Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
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