OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
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There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
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I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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