Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Randomize