she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
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It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
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I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
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