My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
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