I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
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I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
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I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
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