Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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