ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
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