It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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