wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Found your dick twin last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
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