Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
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