Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
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