So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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