I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
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Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
The ass gains better be worth it
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