Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
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i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
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I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
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