I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize