I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
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