First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
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that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
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Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
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