the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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