I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
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