I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
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