tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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