I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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