I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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