this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize