i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Randomize