All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Your mouth is God's brothel.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Randomize