i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize