He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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