Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
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He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
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sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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