you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
If I die, sorry about rent.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
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