Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
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Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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