i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
vagina is talking i cant
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
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