this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
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