I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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