Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
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