We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
